New Wall Street Terminology
Humor is known for its unique curative properties. It can also distract you from checking your positions frequently. Following is a “new” glossary for the stock market and Wall Street that was sent to me a few days ago. I don’t know where it originated from, but it is definitely worth reading. I doubt if these new definitions will cure the market, but they will definitely make you laugh.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no s…
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
BROKER - What my broker has made me
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell
STOCK ANALYST – An idiot who just downgraded your stock
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Last year’s investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low
‘BUY, BUY’ - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes
CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail
YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God
BILL GATES - Where God goes for a loan
ALAN GREENSPAN - God (past tense)
Add comment October 18th, 2008
