New Wall Street Terminology

October 18th, 2008

Humor is known for its unique curative properties. It can also distract you from checking your positions frequently. Following is a “new” glossary for the stock market and Wall Street that was sent to me a few days ago. I don’t know where it originated from, but it is definitely worth reading. I doubt if these new definitions will cure the market, but they will definitely make you laugh.

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no s…

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

BROKER - What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST – An idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Last year’s investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse

MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low

‘BUY, BUY’ - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes

CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail

YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share

PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God

BILL GATES - Where God goes for a loan

ALAN GREENSPAN - God (past tense)

Last 5 posts by Yinon Arieli

• How cheap are stocks now? - October 26th, 2008
• What does Warren say? - October 15th, 2008
• Should you buy now or wait for a better time? - October 2nd, 2008
• Understanding Fundamental and Technical Analysis - September 27th, 2008
• Who’s going bankrupt next? - September 22nd, 2008

Tags: Wall Street Terminology

Entry Filed under: Stock Investing Ideas